A drop in the ocean: Splash brings joy to a vulnerable, elderly woman

October 17, 2025 by

Jenny Smith in Biodiversity Bargains, Investments

KENT, UK (October 16, 2025)—Biodiversity Bargains announced today the placement of the first North Atlantic right whale into private ownership. Phyllis Gable, 76, from Kent, UK, purchased her new best friend after being emailed a discount coupon for the large ocean mammal range at her local Biodiversity Bargains store.

Kelly Allen, Whale Specialist at Biodiversity Bargains, said, “We’re thrilled to place this rare and critically endangered whale with such a loving owner as Phyllis. While elderly and classed as vulnerable by her local medical centre, we are confident she can provide the extensive, complex and round-the-clock care that a North Atlantic right whale requires.”

“I have named him Splash, after the ocean,” said Phyllis as she became increasingly agitated. “Who are you? I don’t know you. Get out of my house!”

A large whale is transported through a busy town on a truck.

Authorities closed several main roadways throughout Kent to facilitate the transport of Splash.

Transporting Splash to Phyllis’s home required substantial logistics planning and a large bribe to the local council. Only seven crush injuries were reported during the move – a record for a Biodiversity Bargains whale transport operation.

Since arriving safely with Phyllis, Splash has adapted quickly to his new routine of swimming slightly forwards, then slightly backwards in his confined, shallow pool.

After Phyllis calmed down and remembered where she was, she said, “Splash is a wonderful companion. He especially enjoys a good scrub, even if it takes 17 hours and multiple cranes to lift him into the cleaning pod.”

An elderly woman cleaning a North Atlantic right whale with a brush in her garden.

Phyllis provides Splash with round the clock care and attention.

North Atlantic right whales feed on krill, as well as other small invertebrates in the wild. Biodiversity Bargains stocks krill in industrial quantities, easily purchased in steel drums of up to two tons. As Splash eats up to two tons of krill per day, customers who purchase a North Atlantic right whale will only need a resupply once per day.

An elderly woman pours krill into a pool in her backgarden that houses a North Atlantic right whale.

Industrial quantities of krill are readily available at all Biodiversity Bargains stores.

A common misconception is that large marine mammals purchased from Biodiversity Bargains will stay housed in their small, cramped pools forever. This is absolutely not the case in around 10% of cases.

Kelly Allen, Whale Specialist at Biodiversity Bargains, said, “As well as stocking the feeding supplies needed to maintain their massive bodies, we also sell suitable habitats. In Splash’s case, Phyllis opted for the vast open ocean bolt-on deal. For an extra £452m we are able to construct an open ocean behind Phyllis’s home. Once complete, Splash will be moved into his permanent home.”

An elderly woman stood behind her home as an ocean is constructed.

Construction workers put the finishing touches on the open ocean habitat behind Phyllis’s home.

Sadly, three days after Phyllis brought her new best friend home, she passed away from natural causes. With the vast open ocean habitat almost complete, Splash will initially be moved there until he can be resold on Facebook Marketplace.

While it is still unclear what the residents of Phyllis’s small home town in Kent plan to do with a vast open ocean, Biodiversity Bargains lawyers insist that it is now their problem.

Biodiversity Bargains and Sunk Capital extend their sympathies to Phyllis Gable’s family.

A gravestone for Phyllis in an English churchyard.

A family photograph shared from Phyllis Gable’s funeral.

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