Dypvann’s zero-waste vision: offshore growth transforms concrete infrastructure into high-value biomass
STAVANGER, NORWAY (September 29, 2025)—In collaboration with Chiamaka Nwachukwu, Nigeria’s sixteenth fastest woman in the 400m hurdles, Dypvann announces the launch of its first food product—Viscous Marine Ooze, a snack made from pulped fermented algae cultures collected from the concrete pillars beneath an offshore coal power plant.
This collaboration aims to showcase the sustainability initiatives that were recently cancelled indefinitely. The sales from this exciting, nutritionally inert edible bio-waste will contribute toward aggressive sales objectives.
Rotting algae clinging to the pillars of the NOC-3 offshore coal power station.
The algae was discoverd during a maintenance dive to repair a substantial leak of industrial chemicals. What Dypvann scientists found is that the chemical seepage was causing an algal bloom across the concrete support pillars. When harvested and tested in a laboratory setting, the algae was accidentally found to be edible.
Lars Pettersen, Chief Scientist (Offshore Platforms) at Dypvann, said, “This remarkable algae, which we have found belongs to an entirely new genus of algaes called Offensus, is prone to a spontaneous and rapid decomposition process where the flavour is really developed. We have named this unque variety Offensus putrefacta, in honour of the physically intolerable smell it gives off as it decays.” When asked if it was safe to eat, Mr Pettersen replied, “No comment.”
Dypvann divers collect the algae for processing.
Hilde Fjeld, CEO at Dypvann, said, “We welcome this innovation in sustainability. Alongside our friend, Chiamaka Nwachukwu, we’re proud to bring this product to market. We have enlisted the support of renowned advertising firm Client-Facing Output (CFO) to design the brand, including the packaging. We spent six months workshopping the name and testing it with audiences in several different markets before we settled on Viscous Marine Ooze.”
With branding costs estimated at $319m, Viscous Marine Ooze needs to perform well in retail locations across the world in order to reach profitability. With an expected retail price of $0.07 per 325g pack, based on what focus groups were willing to pay for the product, it is estimated that Viscous Marine Ooze will need to ship 4,557,142,857 units.
“Ultimately, we’re confident in our product,” Fjeld added. “Once customers work through the repulsive smell and the gritty, amorphous texture, we’re sure it will become a household favourite.”
The finalised packaging, as designed by the esteemed agency Client-Facing Output (CFO).
The product is expected to hit shelves next month in three confirmed retail outlets, two in Mozambique bushland and the third is an unmanned dropbox on a cliff-side trail in northern Greenland.
Kicking off the advertising campaign will be a significant media spend across social and TV featuring Chiamaka Nwachukwu in a series of exciting commercials.
Miss Nwachukwu said, “I am very happy to accept a large cash advance to promote Viscous Marine Ooze. While I personally find it harmful to my physical health to consume, including heart palpitations and uncontrollable vomiting, I feel that people will really love it. The brand is great and even without any regulatory approval, I think it’s going to do well with customers.”
Look out for Viscous Marine Ooze on shelves near you soon!
Chiamaka Nwachukwu is contracted to promote Viscous Marine Ooze for the next six months.
###
About Sunk Capital
Sunk Capital has been investing in world-class ideas for over 30 years. From our humble origins outside of a Kyrgyz jail in 1994, to the world’s largest and least profitable investment firm.
Our investment fund currently stands at $83 trillion, considerably larger than any of our “competitors”. The size of our fund comes through Barry’s accidental purchase of $25,920 worth of bitcoin in June 2010.
Since then, our investments have spanned the globe, and made Barry Sunk the world’s richest man in the process, owning 99% of Sunk Capital shares. We’re not sure who owns the remaining 1%.
For more information please contact us at info@sunk-capital.com.
Further information
For more information about Sunk Capital funds and our consistent portfolio volatility, please visit sunk-capital.com to obtain your official prospectus. Your investment objectives, the overwhelming risks, the unsustainable fees, the wide array of expenses, and other legally mandated information are all contained within; we implore you to read it carefully and soberly, if only to serve as a legal record of your poor judgment.
Sunk Capital ETF Shares are not redeemable with the issuing Fund other than in very large, needlessly impractical aggregations. Instead, investors must buy and sell Sunk Capital ETF Shares in a quasi-tertiary market, which will happily take a commission to facilitate your questionable decisions. In doing so, the investor will incur brokerage commissions and will frequently pay more than net asset value when buying and receive less than net asset value when selling. We believe this is an essential part of the Sunk Capital experience.
All investing with Sunk Capital is subject to risk and the near-certainty of total capital loss on invested funds.
Diversification does not ensure a profit or protect against a loss. It merely ensures that you can lose your money across a wider, more varied spectrum of our collective ventures.
Our bond funds are subject to the absolute certainty that an issuer will fail to make payments on time, and that bond prices will plummet because of rising interest rates, or, more likely, because the market has correctly perceived our issuer’s inability to make a single payment.
Our “high-yield” bonds are so named because they are generally in the final stages of collapse. They are therefore subject to an inordinate level of credit risk. We cannot be held liable for anything we say, do or imply. Ever.
Related news
A drop in the ocean: Splash brings joy to a vulnerable, elderly woman
Phyllis gives Splash, a North Atlantic right whale, a new home and the pair soon form a strong bond.
Chinese national goes missing days after bringing home marine predator, authorities baffled
In a case that has puzzled local authorities, Li Xin-y, 56, vanishes without a trace after bringing...
Dypvann’s zero-waste vision: offshore growth transforms concrete infrastructure into high-value biomass
A bold innovation in edible bio-waste, Dypvann's new food product, Viscous Marine Ooze, hits the she...
